Self-Love: Creating Authentic Change

Have you ever made a strict resolution or promise to yourself? For example, “I will like myself better if I lose weight” or “I’m going to start a new exercise program to get in shape.” The list could go on for eternity, but the common thread of these statements is the underlying belief that there is a model of perfection or completeness that we must constantly hold in front of us to keep us from self-destruction and self-loathing.

It is true that positive change is good for everyone, and there is constant room for creating habits that nurture the body and spirit. But what comes first, changing the habit or changing the attitude toward the habit? Most of us who have had the experience of not living up to our commitments to change, understand the pattern of self-judgment and recrimination that accompanies perceived failure. For example, “I have no willpower, I will never lose weight.” Or “I’m lazy if I can’t make it to the gym five times a week.” Often when we feel we have failed ourselves, we try to become firmer by setting stricter and more rigorous plans that we believe will help us reach our goal.

Instead of this cycle of strict goal setting, negative self-talk and stricter rules when you feel you have failed; try to begin the practice of self-love to bring about positive change. To begin practicing self- love it is important to start with the understanding that we are all inherently perfect beings. Our perceived imperfections stem from the socialization process that begins early in our lives. We gradually develop beliefs about ourselves based on someone else’s idea of how we should be. We begin to develop layers of programming that shield us from our inner light and wisdom. By re-claiming ourselves as perfect beings, deserving of a life filled with peace, health and abundance, we can begin to relate to ourselves in a more loving way.

Now instead of setting extremely high expectations that can result in negative self talk, our self-talk has the power to become softer and more genuine. Instead of judging our behavior, we move to the affirmation of our desire for balance, health and abundance and release any judgment or criticism that moves us in the direction of self-loathing. And when we indulge in unwanted behaviors, we simply restate the truth. “Yes, I am disappointed that I overate today, but it is my deepest intention to move toward moderation and balance in the future. I deserve to live a healthy, peaceful and abundant life. “