Learning to Ask “What do I Really Need?”

We all struggle from time to time with trying to distract ourselves with external fillers to avoid difficult thoughts, feelings and emotions. For some, drugs and alcohol act as a distraction, while for others it could be binge eating.

If you are struggling with your weight and your body image, it may be that you are using food to either calm down or to energize and self-regulate; food has become your medicine to help fix your emotions. In reality, we all know that in the long run, the consequences of emotional eating outweigh the short-term relief we feel when binging. In the end, the body and mind pay a heavy price.

One of the best places to start when learning how to be a “normal eater” is to take a seat before a binge and prolong the urge for as long as you can by asking yourself a few questions and using the time for self-analysis. Close your eyes, feel your body in the chair and then ask yourself:

“What do I need right now, in this moment?”  The answer may be food, but then ask, “what else?”

Are you feeling sad because you got in a fight with a friend, or lonely because your significant other is away on a trip? Maybe you are tense because your body is tired and wound up from a long day.

Whatever your body is communicating to you, try to respect that feeling by addressing the root of the true issue. If that is not possible, try to prolong the binge by engaging in a pleasant self-care activity such as taking a warm bath, calling a friend, or walking around the block for 10 minutes. In the long run, you may or may not still have a binge, but just the act of delaying the binge ritual weakens the emotional power that food has on the brain’s neural connections. Keep it up, and you will find that wandering to the kitchen is a habit and not a physical need and that habit will become easier to break with practice.

The author of the book Normal Eating, Karen Koenig, recommends making note cards for yourself to look at in moments where you feel tempted to binge. These could include
• It’s a delusion that I’ll feel better after raiding the refrigerator and I’m not delusional.
• I always feel terrible after I weigh myself—if I’ve lost weight, I feel entitled to eat more and if I’ve gained, I’m so bummed I eat to console myself.
• I can sit with this craving. It’s just a neural impulse and I don’t have to give in to it.
• I’m done now. Food won’t make me feel better. It will make me feel worse.
• What’s so hard about feeling what I’m feeling? I will sit with it. I don’t have to use food to cover my feelings.
• If I’m hungry, I can eat. If I’m upset, food definitely isn’t the answer.
• I feel so good about myself, so proud of myself, when I do what’s healthy for me.

She goes on to advise that, “No threats or ‘shoulds’ are allowed. Tailor the words on your cards to your specific situation. Read them often and soon you’ll have them memorized so that they’re internalized and arise automatically.”