No More Negative Self-Talk
 
As the old saying goes, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” This is easier said, than done. For many of us, when life throws us lemons, we either go get a sugary lemonade frozen drink with whipped cream and maybe some alcohol, or we scream and throw in the towel all together and curse the universe at the bad hand we were dealt.
 
Since childhood, many of us have developed our own personal negative language that we have used to undermine our best efforts. This negative language is called cognitive distortions, or negative self-talk. Cognitive distortions and can jeopardize our paths to wellness and health.
 
Read the following cognitive distortions, and see if you recognize any of these patterns in the way you talk to yourself:
 
1. All or nothing thinking
You see things in black and white categories. If a situation is not perfect, you see it as a total failure.

2. Overgeneralization
You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as “always” or ‘”ever” when you think about it.

3. Mental filter
You pick out a single negative detail and obsess only on that detail, which eventually darkens your entire sense of reality.

4. Discounting the positive
You reject positive experiences by insisting they “don't count”. If you happen to do something positive, you may attribute it to being a fluke or just being lucky “this one time”.

5. Jumping to conclusions/ Mind reading
You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion. This also includes believing that you can read other peoples’ minds about their perceptions of you, or how you may complete a task unsatisfactorily.

6. Magnification
You exaggerate anything negative in your life, and discount all of the positive things that you may have going for you.

7. Emotional reasoning
You assume that your negative emotions reflect the way things really are. For example, if you are feeling sad one day, you attribute it to being a chronically depressed and negative person rather than taking into account that you may be having a hard day.

8. "Should statements"
You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. This includes “I should”, “I must”, “have to”, and “I ought to” statements that may lead to resentment, guilt and anxiety.

9. Labeling
Labeling is another form of all-or-nothing thinking in which we cannot accept that we (and other people) make mistakes in life. Rather than acknowledging a mistake, we may judge ourselves as being a failure or a loser.

10. Personalization and blame
Personalization occurs when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under your control. When we hold ourselves responsible for events that are not in our control, this can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, anxiety, and shame.
 
Cognitive distortions are learned habits that may have been engrained in us since we were children. Many of us may recognize ourselves a few or even all of these distortions. Start slowly. In a technique called “thought stopping” and “reframing” we step back as the observer, and simply and mindfully make a note when we recognize one of these distortions. It is helpful to write down when you notice a cognitive distortion. Label that distortion and then work on a way to reframe it.
 
Here are some examples:
 
“I failed in that meeting. My boss is going to fire me, and I will never get a job again.” (This statement exemplifies distortions such as all or nothing thinking and magnification). The next step is to reframe in a more positive light: “That was not my best meeting, but I can talk to my boss about ways to improve, and one meeting is not going to ruin my career.”
 
“I just ate a whole cake, and I am a fat pig. I can’t even do this diet right, and I am going to be fat for the rest of my life no matter what I do and how hard I try!” (This statement exemplifies labeling, overgeneralization, and magnification) To reframe, one could say, “Though I just ate a whole cake, this does not mean I am a total failure. I can resume a healthy diet and exercise program, move forward with my day, and use better coping skills next time I am struggling emotionally. One slip does not make me a failure. I am a good person who made a compulsive choice during a difficult moment, and I can pick up the pieces and move on from here.”
 
Remember, it took years to learn how to develop current cognitive distortions, and it takes time to learn how to reframe them. Imagine that you are a child, and any time you decide to speak to yourself negatively, question whether you would talk to a child in that manner. Most of the time, the answer is no. Nurture yourself and start to learn to develop some compassion and empathy in order to live a more positive and happy life. You will begin notice an increase in energy, self-esteem, and overall life satisfaction.